Swarming Thoughts..

Thoughts rush in like a swarm of bees,

stinging every part of my brain!

it pains, it aches, it itches like hell,

it makes me go insane!!

I go berserk in frenzy

I try to shoo them away

but they make a point, loud and clear,

that they are here to stay!

they prick all over mercilessly,

their needles, deep down my brain,

no matter how much i shake my head,

It's always done in vain..

i fight but i finally concede,

to overpowering cluster of thoughts

I pull and twist and twirl my hair,

until they are in knots..

I give up d battle, and lose myself

to the perennial stream in mind,

Like a still corpse i lie in bed,

a bed which has always been kind..

Kind enough to be an escape

from feelings grim and wild,

Kind enough to hug me tight,

when i feel like a lost child..

Numb to core, inside and out

i accept the hysterical phase,

as it passes gradually,

the fog lifts off my face... 

It lies..in the eyes..

There are times when u r grieved,

and you do not want to show,

you stick a forced smile and then,

just hope those thoughts would go...

But when your lips smile,

your heart still cries...

you think u can betray your woes,

but those traitor eyes...

Those two, your best friends at times,

become your worst enemies,

when tears roll out unthoughtfully,

and you want them to cease...

You want to sit aloof,

and calm the storm inside..

but everytime those watery eyes,

are there to raise a tide...

Whenever you are trapped,

in the tornado of tears,

Just close your eyes and let them run,

and sweep away your fears...

Cry to celebrate sorrow,

like you laugh to celebrate joy...

Life is a roller coaster ride,

when you go down, you must enjoy!!

Coz ups come only after downs,

the essence lies in the ecstacy,

the shouts, the cries, the truths, the lies...

And the whole emotional sea...

So when your eyes are filled with tears,

Welcome them with a smile,

You'll see, the'll not bore you for long..

Just take care of them for a while..

Prayer..

She closed her eyes to celebrate the silence...
These moments were rare,
'Dear God', she whispered,
and made a little prayer

"Let me not be swayed away
by thoughts that flow forever,
Let me stand stiff and straight
in winds of harsh weather

let me make some sense of the
world that lives around me
let me know the secrets of the
facts that astound me

let me feel the interface
between dream and reality,
let me play between the two,
and prove their vitality

let me keep true faith in you
and believe in your existence
let me see the rights and wrongs
and let me see the difference

let me see there is a wall

though it is transparent
and the world beyond it is imaginary
though that is not apparent

let me be independent of thought
and make ideal decisions
let me know my need in world
so i realize my missions"

'Thank you God' she said at last, and bowed down her head..
I hope he will pay heed to, whatever she said...

Emptiness..

Just sitting there, as if lifeless,
She wonders in her room,
No thoughts pass by her mind,
All lost in vacuum...

She sometimes asks herself-
"Am I hollow??"
"What's that stuck in my throat ,
that I can't swallow?"

She probes into her life and what does she find?
Some big voids, which seem small,
She gets some cement, some plaster too,
She needs to fill them all!!!

I wish you didn't surrender..

You run , u try to escape,
so hard u try, in vain :(
as soon as u look back,
u find them again...

You try to hide somewhere,
behind the broken fence,
but they look straight at u,
U've got no defense..

You run to save ur life,
u run real fast ..
with doubts in ur mind
"For how long will u last ?"

You get in side a tunnel,
so dark u lose ur way
a hand holds ur hand and walks
till u c the first ray...

As soon as u see light,
their thoughts creep in ur mind,
u start running again,
and leave the hand behind.

You pant! You puff!
its such a bad weather,
u turn around and c them
grinning at u together..

You are tired,
u sit down
they all surround u..
there's nothing u can do now,
just look around u...

You are beaten, u break
unheard go all ur cries..
they shatter ur existence,
tears drain ur eyes..

I wish u never ran,
i wish u stood still,
i wish u fought with them
against ur will !

I wish u never left
the hand that was so tender
it would have led u right
i wish u didn't surrender...

Lets get it started ! FINALLY !

Yes, I convinced myself to start writing blogs in 2009. Its 2011 now.. Each time i land on my page, I delete the previously written content and write something new.. Hoping it would be better than the last.. Hoping, this won't be another one of my failed attempts to blog regularly!..

What's the need to blog... Well, I seriously don't know..

To be frank, when I heard about this blogging mania from some of my friends, the mere idea of it enticed me.. what I wrote on tattered pages of my notebooks could be written on neat web pages..I could own a web page that would be entirely mine! ..

I suddenly started paying attention to places where google transported me when I wrote a keyword..These places were no more sacrosanct web portals constructed by a team of web developers, involving a lot of underlying research , meant to run e-businesses..

Instead, google took me on strides to breezy web pages with crisp content written by some random blogger.... random but inspiring..

As a kid, I had heard elders saying 'every Tom, Dick and harry cannot write'..However, to my surprise i found that Every Tom, Dick ,Harry, Ramu , Shyamu or for that matter of fact Betty, Sally, Rina, Mina could blog! .. and could blog really well , so as to inspire you to keep reading on..

Obviously, I thought why not add my name to this endless list as well, assuming it would be fairly easy..

Was ignorant of the fact that many have come and died in this battleground where you are the lone fighter.. A newbie starts with all the accumulated enthu and passion he has for writing.. He keeps checking in once (twice or thrice) in a while to see if there are any "comments".. Even if the digit "0" before the word comments appears, he does not give up.. he writes again.. and again.. and well again.. Sometimes a comment or two motivate him to write again.. but then more often than not all this eventually die... For facebook addicts, this is a common phenomenon.. they are so accustomed to the "likes" and numerous "comments" on a one line status update .. that it seems stupid to them to write a 400 words blog which may afterall go unoticed..

For the senior bloggers however, who have been here for quite a few years.. nothing can replace blogging.. 5 genuine comments for them are better than 50 fb likes..

Coming back to MY blogging story, whenever I decided upon writing something, I would tend to read something.. It was beyond my control.. I would land upon the page of some seasoned blogger or writer and would be awed by their craftmanship..

How on earth could I write the way they did! .. I have had a way with words when it comes to writing poems.. but writing blogs seemed way beyond my league! It still does seem so..

Amidst all this i chanced upon the word "monetize".. Well now you are talking, I mummbled to myself ;)

With the meagre money that I have in my wallet each time I open it, this word was bound to draw my attention..

However, this hope was short lived too.. It would take years for me to build a blog as good to make money out of it, said that ever demeaning voice.. Another reason to blog, gone with the wind..

Finally I dropped the idea of blogging.. who wants to be a blogger i thought to myself!.. I am happy with my facebook notes..

Two years, i did not think about blogging.. but now, something again nudges me to write .. to rejuvenate my dead blog.. and this time, I am not looking for a reason to write...

I am going to write, just for the love of it..just the way i did right now..

Isn't that a reason enough.. :) !